Category: Family & Friends

BalanceFaithFaith, Love & Other Important ThingsFamily & FriendsGod

Advice to graduates – and a gift to Natalie and Andrew

Nat Nat Go Bombers, Little Shit;

You’re off to college this Fall and soon you will realize just how good you’ve had it. Real life starts now. Fortunately, you get to depend on your parents for money for a little while longer but there are only so many things money will ever fix.

What I believe I know to be true are these things…

Life is about being uncomfortable, stretched, challenged and even a bit hurt.  Fortunately, life is also about the other side of those same experiences where you understand comfort, satisfaction, accomplishment, and healing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

It’d be great to think you would know one without the other, but I don’t think that’s the case. You wouldn’t know hot if you didn’t feel cold by comparison, right? Both are painful or deadly in their extreme, but in learning the comparison of one to the other, we navigate away from the harmful and situate comfortably when we can.

Love is truly best defined in the Bible – but you have no chance of ever achieving that in this lifetime – your job is to do as much as you can to get close and to live by those principles.

Developing a sense of your own faith and the very limited role you play in the entirety of existence will get you closer.

As you move in to the world, your childhood home will remain a safe place to return to while at the same time the home you create over time increasingly becomes your source of renewal and strength.

You’ll begin to define your own life without restriction, drawing from your past, cognizant of where you are today, and mindful that is your job alone to pave the way to your future.

It will be a long time before the first ephemeral second where you think, “Wow, maybe I have life finally figured out.”

It will be a lot longer until you have many of those moments in sequence.  Still further before you actually believe the truth of those moments and don’t just think you’re fooling yourself.

You will not believe the world around you has trusted you to _____________  (raise a kid, run a business, operate on patients, build a building), let alone manage your own life – yet that is exactly where you’ve found yourself.

This tension is a sign that you are alive. It exists when we are willing to explore and discover, develop new interests and passions, take risks not knowing the outcome.

This tension exists when we’ve let go of misplaced confidence and become humble and real about what we have to learn.  It represents a desire to achieve forward progress every day — but not via force and commitment alone, but powered by the wisdom we have not yet tapped in the world around us.

You will make errors, fail at something important.  Most painfully, you’ll fail yourself or a loved one.  Life is about fucking up sometimes, and I’ll give you a secret that will help you recover: take accountability, be honest, and most importantly – forgive yourself.

Facts of Life Accountability-01-01.png

Forgive others that mess up too.

Forgiveness is a favor to everyone involved, repaid by a commitment to something different ahead.  Resentment is only your own and ties you to a past that cannot be changed.

You will define your community and it will look and feel different than you imagined.  It will ultimately reflect the diversity of your life’s experiences.

This community will likely be smaller than you once imagined but its power is immeasurable and will not fail you.  90% of your life you’ll think you know who belongs in this community, and 90% of the time you’ll be wrong.  Learn to identify atypical signals, then learn to trust them.

From the moment you were conceived until the moment you die, life has been about change.  You felt some of it but probably didn’t learn to appreciate that it’s the only real constant (in this life, I’m ignoring God and Faith for a second here).

Be mindful of the moment in your life when change is no longer exciting but instead becomes bothersome.  Take a spontaneous vacation within a week of that moment.

In all of this that I think I know is true, there’s one thing I know will make it all easier: rest and sleep.  Having a comfortable bed that is yours (e.g. warm if you’re cold, cold if you’re hot), with pillows that are indulgent and sheets that are cool and smooth or soft and warm – having this bed is critical.

While everything changes, while you change, rest and relaxation and the comfort of those moments is something you can make sure you maintain.

To that end, TWINXL mattresses are total shit as is the available bedding available that fit them.

The bedding sucks.  It’s cheap, feels terrible, is ugly, doesn’t breath, is warm when its warm and cold when its cold…………………………………………….total shit.

So my gift to you for graduation is homemade bedding, which you can design based on your preferences.  Duvet Cover Design Patterns  You get to pick the colors, fabric, we can custom design a fabric, your call.  We’ll talk more about this.

At my loneliest or happiest,  strongest or when I feel I’m about to crumble, my bed is one place I know that is mine where I can recover and take care of myself.  I wish I could make every experience in your life feel so great, but for now, let me take care of the bed.