There is an excruciating anguish and it goes by the name of “writer’s block.”
I’ve spent a few weeks now thinking about my family, about friendship, about things that really matter to me, and I’ve written about 2000 words of complete bullshit. The worst thing about it is: I can smell what I’m trying to say, I can draw it out with dry erase markers on my windows and mirrors, I can definitely feel it, and I know which emotions and intentions motivate me to want to write this stuff down.
But my words are jumbled and the message is not clear.
Parking that frustration which I hope I’ll overcome soon, some journal like notes:
- 43: Current “drafts” in my Project Sticky Note OneNote. I arrange things topically so that as I have ideas or thoughts related to that topic, it has a place to go.
- 5: Days until I jet off to NYC to see Hamilton.
- 9: Number of front doors open on my floor last night (and now), attempting to tap in to the air conditioning in the hallways of the building. Notably, my place has remained a cool 72 degrees because I’m boss.
- 388: Photos created from negatives I scanned with my new Epson scanner, all of which are meta tagged.
- 1: Performance Review I need to write and send to my boss tonight.
- 4: Mesh functional tags (note, I once used these exact terms) that I need to program.
- 2: Hodor “Hold the Door” door stops ordered, one as a birthday present, one for me…because it’s fucking funny.
- 1: Number of French braids I’ve had in my lifetime.
- 1: Closets that have been completely reorganized. Infinity is the number of paper towel roles I seem to have over indexed on purchasing.
- 19: Number of delicious shishito peppers I ate on the rooftop of Terra Plata with friends Friday night.
The main reason I’m so frustrated with not being able to complete the blog post I intended to post is that it has to do with how much I love my sisters, my mother, my family, and the people in my life.
Unearthing the boxes of photos this past week has reminded me just how important our connections are.
I was inspired by this terrible picture, taken while I was in the throws of Accutane treatment circa 2000? This is likely one of the most non flattering photos we’ve ever taken.
But I love it more than all the wonderful photos we have taken with each other, and it reminded me just how much I love my sisters.